Christmas and Easter are difficult holidays for me, mostly because I can't decide what my attitude should be towards them. I mean, aren't these just pagan holidays that some guy decided to "Christian-ize" a long time ago? On top of that, we have so many silly little traditions that do nothing but distract from the "real meaning" of these holidays that it's hard to focus on God.
I've tried giving up on trying to make Easter a Christian holiday, and just enjoying the fun. (We don't actually do much of anything on Easter; our only tradition is that our grandma sends us candy.) Taking this approach makes it a lot easier, but I don't want to just forget during this time about God and what he did/does for me. Besides, the easy way usually isn't the right way.
I've also tried to focus on what Jesus did for me; I mean, he died just so I could be with him! That's pretty amazing. But it's also very difficult to make myself think about that when there's so much else going on. It makes me uncomfortable all day because I don't feel "holy enough," like I need to try harder, which is frustrating.
Another problem I have with Easter is all of the hype. I don't mind the silly bunny and egg stuff (though I've never seen how those two are connected...), but what really gets me is all the Christian hype. I hate all the little candy crosses and the incessant pictures of Jesus or the cross or lilies, all with a sunrise behind them and cliche sayings. It feels like a "get out of jail free" card so that you feel like you're celebrating the "right thing."
I don't want my day to be all about trying to think about the "real meaning" of the holiday. Especially when it isn't really the real meaning.
It just feels too fake, too forced.
Maybe it would mean more to me if this were a day where just Christians got together for a dinner and simply celebrated Jesus' coming. If we ate together, read together, prayed together, and remembered all that he has done for us. A day without another holiday that everyone celebrates just to have a good time. Maybe, just maybe.
I don't want this day to be the only time I purposefully remember what Jesus did. I want something real, that is with me forever, not just on some special day. I want something more.